Screed At The Union! - A Recap

Angry Old Man Screams "Get off my lawn!" For 60 Minutes, Scolds The Nation And The World, Doesn't Shit His Pants, Calls It A Win!

World renowned, little girl sniffer, Joe Biden is ANGRY!, and he wants to make damn sure that you know it! Seething with a blinding rage, invigorated by indulging his deep hatred for the United States, The Supreme Court, Donald Trump, Republicans, Putin, at least half of the US population… Hitler. Apparently, whatever drugs they feed this hateful vampire, to make him lucid enough to speak in public, turns him into a maniacal old crank, that longs desperately to bark ugliness at the world.

I’m not sure what we did wrong, to deserve this 61 minute screed, but it must have been really bad, because Dark Brandon took this opportunity to tell us that the State Of The Union is a raging, angry, cranky, hateful scold, with a burning in it’s belly to vent that venom on everyone within earshot.

So, let’s parse out some specific parts of this rant, so that we can properly hate ourselves for everything we did to piss-off old Uncle Joey.

“If you don’t agree with my ever evolving position on Putin and the Ukraine, then you are a traitorous coward that hates America, wants Putin to win, all of the Ukrainians to die, and for NATO’s skull to be crushed underneath the rolling treads of a Soviet tank!”

“The Supreme Court effectively raped every woman in America, by over-turning Roe v. Wade, and those angry bitches are coming to kill you!”

“The economy is great, you stupid son’s of bitches, and it will be even greater, when you STFU and give me everything that I want!”

Lincoln was a punk, FDR was a limp dick, I’m Joe Biden, and I’m better than any president that has ever lived, and if you don’t like it, I’ll throw your ass in a gulag so you can starve to death, in a cold, dark cell, made from human bones”

“Donald Trump is the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler, but more evil and nefarious, because he will holocaust everyone on the planet, and dance on the burnt ashes of their vaporized corpses, while praising Satan”

“Vladimir Putin is also Hitler, but not as Hitler as Trump, but still very much Hitler, and if you don’t do everything I say, you are supporting Hitler, and holocaust’ing everyone in Ukraine, NATO, and eventually, the entire world! Nobody anywhere is safe from the evil Soviet advance! Cry Havoc, and let slip the fog of war!”

“I am democracy, and democracy is me, and if you don’t like me, you hate democracy, want to bring back slavery, drown every illegal alien in the Rio Grande, start another civil war, burn down the white house, and finish the job that Adolf Hitler started, when he attacked Fort Sumter to make slavery the only law in the US Constitution”

“Sit down and shut up, I’m speaking here, and trying to tell you why you are a disgusting piece of shit and deserve to be shat upon for the next hour”

“I’ve spent a hundred, million, trillion dollars, trying to buy votes, and if you don’t want me to send any of those totally paid for, debt lowering mega-buck billions to your shithole Congressional Districts, just say so, and I’ll use the money to bring in more illegal alien rapists and murderers, each carrying their weight in fentanyl, to shit on the streets in your home towns, and pocket the leftovers for me and my fucked up family”

“If the war in Ukraine doesn’t float your boat, I’m gonna build a giant pier in Gaza, so we can feed the Palestinians, while the bombs we sent to Israel, blow our own troops into unrecognizable pieces, while I scream at everyone in the region to shut up and die faster, because my poll numbers are in the shitter, and nobody on my stupid staff can figure-out any way to improve them, except to kill more people somewhere”

“As your leader, I’m here to tell you that you are stupid, deserve poverty, filthy streets, criminal hell-scapes, soul crushing monetary inflation, and inescapable debt. I hate you, I’ve always hated you, and I will continue to hate you and make you suffer. Now, go join the military, so I can kill you in one of my four new wars. You can either freeze to death the Ukraine, get beheaded on YouTube in Iran, get overrun by a million Chinese in Taiwan, or get blown up by American bombs dropped by Israeli Jews in Gaza, because “never again”!”

“Go get an abortion! I want you to murder your children for Moloch, so I can get a big comfy chair in Hell, and because The Climate Change Gods demand human sacrifice. Those of you that I can’t throw in prison for protesting my fraudulent and crooked election, or murder with a series of poisonous vaccines, or send to die in some stupid war, or get killed in your own home by some foreign invader, might as well find some new way to die, so I can go home and eat some more ice cream”

“If you are too stupid, lazy, or poor to get an abortion, at least mutilate and sterilize your children with some kind transgender drug and surgery combination, so Big Pharma can make some goddamned money for a change! I can’t get all of my money from foreign oligarchs, the military industrial complex, dark money billionaire largess, and government pork turned into political contributions! Hunter needs a new pair of shoes”

Otherwise, it was a pretty boring, boilerplate, benign, political speech, that will be all but forgotten in a few days, as the next “big thing” hits the media headlines, and this moment gets flushed down the memory hole… where it belongs.