"And When The World Burns, I Will Roast Your Severed Heads Like Marshmallows! -Donald Trump 2024"

Classic Fairytales From The Modern World Of Headlines!

How’s that for a catchy title!?

So much of good writing is grabbing the attention of your reader with a headline too “hot” to pass up. In this case, it’s a potential quote from a recent Donald Trump stump speech made at a rally in Ohio. I mean, he didn’t actually say that, but that’s immaterial to this conversation. The point is, he could have said it, and perhaps he should have, but what do I know about running for President?

My personal favorite headline to use is “By The Time You Read This, You Will Already Be Dead!”, and it was funny, the first 3 or 4 times, but eventually the audience catches on, realizes that they aren’t actually dead, nor could they be dead and still read that headline, which is bordering on non-sensical, and it stops working.

Anyway, the ever bombastic Donald Trump did say something very interesting recently, which is stealing the headlines at presstitute venues everywhere- “Trump Warns Of ‘Bloodbath’ If Not Elected!” Oh me oh my, what an outrageous thing to say! Speaking only for myself, it’s definitely got my knickers in a twist!

First of all, if I were running for President, I would say something more along the lines of “I’m going to murder all of my enemies, all of your enemies, enslave deport all of the illegal immigrants, and have Congress arrested on day one! I’m going to eliminate every form of taxation on anybody worth less than one billion dollars, and since Modern Monetary Theory is the prevailing wisdom of the day, cut the Federal budget down to $0, and fire the whole lot of them!”

But I’m more of a radical populist than Trump, and I have better hair, but the point, however, is that if Trump is going to get misquoted to make headlines, why be all meek and timid about it?

Here’s a suggestion-

“If I’m not elected this November, and instead, suffer yet another stolen election, I’m going to order my followers to hunt down and murder every person in the Federal Government, starting with those shitheads in Congress! I’m going to tell them to stop paying their taxes, and to burn every blue city to the ground. I’m going to put out a kill list on the Internet, and offer a bounty for the head of every person on that list. I’m pretty rich, so let’s start with $10,000 each, and see how it goes.

I’m also going to instruct them to raise a citizens’ army, a well regulated militia, armed to the teeth, to go to Washington D.C., and raze the entire town, tearing down and burning, every single building, and murder every member of every department, right down to the very last man or woman! Then, in every expanding concentric circles, do the same to the surrounding swamp of traitors, that live, parasitically, in the richest counties in the entire nation.

I’m also going to round up every illegal alien, and deport them all to Haiti, giving each one of them either a single bullet, or a single piece of a disassembled AR-15, so that after they disembark the ship they can pool their resources, and every 40 people can assemble their gun, and load the magazine with bullets, and go about taking over the entire shithole, by killing everyone there, and try to make a civilization out of that fucked up dump!

Then, I’m going to order the summary execution, of every violent criminal held in our prisons and jails, to make room for all of the homeless drug addicts, which we will round up, and put in those vacant, and blood soaked cells!

Then, as the triumphant dictator by force, I will assume rule from my lovely villa in Mar-A-Lago, whereby I will restructure this entire nation in my image, and rule with an iron fist, as I crush, capture, or kill, every single person that has opposed me. Then, in these New United States, bathed in the rivers of the blood of my enemies, we will once again Make America Great Again!”

“There, that’s a ‘Bloodbath’ if I’m not elected!" Suck it, presstitutes!”

And that’s basically what “they” want you to imagine that he did say, by running those headlines.

But what did Trump actually say?

FMR. PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: China now is building a couple of massive plants where they're going to build the cars in Mexico and think, they think, that they're going to sell those cars into the United States with no tax at the border. Let me you something to China, if you're listening President Xi and you and I are friends, but he understands the way I deal. Those big monster car manufacturing plants that you're building in Mexico right now and you think you're going to get that, you're going to not hire Americans and you're going to sell the cars to us? No. We're going to put a 100% tariff on every single car that comes across the line, and you're not going be able to sell those cars. If i get elected. Now, if I don't get elected, it's going to be a bloodbath for the whole -- that's gonna be the least of it. It's going to be a bloodbath for the country. That will be the least of it.

Yeah, that’s not quite the same thing, now is it? But that is the state of “the press” in this country. If you Google Search Trump’s statements, you get dozens of listings, highlighting the “bloodbath” part of that rather innocuous quote, as the headline, calling it “chilling”, “menacing”, “threatening”, and of course, The Biden Camp chose to interpret it this way- “Biden campaign says Trump ‘wants another January 6’ after Ohio ‘bloodbath’ prediction”

Not to put too fine a point on it, but “Yes”, if China started making cars in Mexico, and importing them into the US Auto Market, tariff free, it would be a bloodbath for domestic auto makers, and by extension, their employees. This isn’t even debatable!

The entire point of The First Amendment, was to have a Free Press, not a bunch of bought and paid for liars, spreading their context-free, scare quotes, for mass consumption, in effort to steer the electorate, by insinuating that Trump said something that he did not say! If a college football team loses 24-7, we also call that a bloodbath!

Alabama Turned College Football’s Most Hyped Opener Ever Into a Bloodbath

The Crimson Tide rolled, and Florida State might have lost much more than just a game

Either way, if the press is going to lie, they might as well lie bigly-

"And When The World Burns, I Will Roast Your Severed Heads Like Marshmallows! -Donald Trump 2024"